June 2015/2558 Big Issue 40
All material in this publication is highly copyrighted by Al Reynolds 2015
Highly Copyrighted Material is material I don’t even know about and beyond.
Monday brunch is The Celtic Yard (old Nubi’s)) at 10:00am
The Chef’s Table is the official site for the Club Brunch on Wednesdays….No business is conducted…
T-Bar Restaurant is the place for Friday brunch at 10:00am….
The Good Corner Restaurant is a hit or miss location on Friday dependent on the heat and traffic noise…. If no one shows by 10:00am they might be found on the 3rd or 4th floor of the air conditioned Central Mall…
Your lady is welcome…the ladies meet with us before separating into their own
group…Dangerous for sure but it works….
Page 2-4 Our Letter to the Editor: Keel Haul writes again.
Page 5 I hate to be the one to tell you this… Stolen material
Page 6. If you are going: Stephanie Sprinkles
I don’t like to say Dr. Paul Payneful
Today’s Essay By Staff writer Dr. I.B. Factoid; Relieving Stress
You can Google: James P. Stockworth
Page 7 The Editors unabashed Sales Pitch… Bonus cartoon: Al Reynolds
(Editor’s note: Three months ago (See Issue 38 of the Almost Daily Dispatch) Mr. Keel Haul wrote the editors for advice….We suggested he write back after he had completed two 90 visa runs. He has taken us seriously and now writes again? LOL
….Six months ago I was trying to convince my lovely wife that the two of us should rent a 3,000 baht walk up condo in downtown rather than build a mansion in the village next to her mom. What was I to do? My lady was holding out for a home of her own in the village… With those incredible pouty lips and hint of tears I didn’t know what to do so I asked advice from your office…
The word on the street at the time was that your advice ‘flows well enough’ and although I don’t know exactly what is meant by ‘flows well enough’ I went ahead and asked your advice. I thought you could help me with a simple thing such as finding a suitable solution to our tiny problem; deciding what kind of shelter to buy for my wife and me whilst we acclimate ourselves into our new life… but you put me off and suggested I get back with your office after I have completed at least two 90 day visa runs.
Well I’m back and it bothers me no end that you and your Looney’s withheld advice I surely could have used back when a decision was needed….
For your information, I have returned from my second 90 day visa run and have found myself ensconced in a village home of many rooms not at all to my liking.
In this massive house of three bedrooms and three baths of which I am the primary financier I have discovered that I have but one small room allotted my wife and me which wouldn’t be too bad if it didn’t lead off into a very wet and
soggy toilet area that I have been assured, somewhat sheepishly, is for my use only… You would think a little concession like that would smooth my ruffled feathers but it has not…
Other than the house being populated by fashionable and unfashionable relatives not of my choosing and that I am expected to sit on the floor to eat from common bowls and am expected from time to time to lick stray morsels or gooey dessert from between my fingers…. I’m wondering what I have gotten into… How does one extricate one’s self from such as I have described and where does one go to find suitable living quarters in the city. My wife pouts as I speak…
My most blatant self I remain
Dear Keel Haul,
Excuse us a minute while we smirk… We have never had anyone write us a follow up letter let alone one that asks for more advice between clinched teeth of conflict and anger. So please give us our moment to gloat before we indulge you with one of our long winded responses with a solution cleverly attached therein.
Failing you again is not our intent but should we fail you again you can be assured we will lay you down more gently this time. It is not our practice to leave you on the curb bleeding out. Toward this end we put forth our solution: You will be
We editors have determined by reading between the lines that you still have a bit of cash remaining and your wife is still ripe for adventure… (You didn’t say anything of the kind but we hope you do and she is.)
Money is number one, for sure, and that is good because our plan calls for you and your lovely to spend even more than you did on your village mansion. We suggest you purchase a condo of substantial value and as a diversion, if a diversion is needed, your wife is to spend what cash carelessly dribbles from between your fingers on silly trinkets and possibly a lipstick or two.
We suggest that you leave your new village house chocked full of your wife’s relatives and you saunter back into town to buy one of those new top of the line condos. A few have just been finished and are ready for occupancy… Of course the new condos are more expensive than the cheap second floor walk up you originally had in mind. You will pay dearly to live on the top floor of these new units for sure, but it comes with an elevator…. A lift, if you please.
In this case an elevator is a most pleasant advantage. You and your wife will be able to wait an appreciably long time in the lobby for the next lift and while waiting, your lovely will be able to prattle on and on to anyone who will listen that she is the owner of not only a huge house in the village but a huge pent house suite at the top of this very elevator…. Listeners will fawn.
A ten minute wait for the lift on the ground floor in front of all those lobby
mirrors will be all the time your wife needs to assure herself that she has the right
stuff to dangle in front of any faint resident; farang or otherwise, waiting in the lobby for a miserable ride up…
Can you imagine her making big face right there on the ground floor with all those strangers. You can look forward to days when she will vacate your condo in early morning just to venture to the lobby for her daily dose of vanity. She may ride up and down two or three times in a morning or possibly take all day riding the elevators for that special high you have given her.
Just think of the abundance of face she will attain. And think of your good fortune. Platitudes such as this will arouse even the most hardened and stone cold woman to thrashing and screaming about in fits of arousal in your love nest high above the streets below.….. (Oh, forgive us here….this is a family newspaper… we will rein in.)
Not to worry, we have heard that those tall condo buildings are so poorly plumbed that hardly any water gets to the top floor. Your toilet will always be dry and a safe haven for your special brand of toilet paper.
I hate to be the one to tell you this…. But you need to know… The way we get rid of our poop is about to change… After more than two thousand years of wondering where everything goes after we flush things are going to change dramatically in
that regard. That is good news, plus there will be a way to earn some pocket money
from the changes… You’ll be able to sell your own poop.
Soon our waste will provide urea (fertilizer), table salt, volumes of fresh water, and enough power for you to charge your cell phone*… The good news doesn’t stop there… If you join up with your neighbors and form a coalition you can sell the
left over power of your poop back to the grid…
Your feces is going to be turned to powder and burnt and your urine will be evaporated for recycling….all just inches from your venerable butt… All you have to worry about now is packaging…
*Loosely quoted and Stolen from Abundance by Peter Diamanois and Steven Kotler…. Page 97 (Editors note: There is evidence that the Chinese had a flush system two thousand years ago… We can talk about that later.)
If you are going to write a book on finance who do you slant it toward… the one
percent who will read it or the ninety-nine percent who won’t.
I don’t like to say cheese when my photo is taken…. I like to say raspberry instead… I like the shutter to go off when I’m on Razzzzz. A moment like that gives me that devil doesn’t care look with twinkly blue eyes… but I surely hate it when they are late and catch me on berrrrry… that makes me look like a real loser…. I guess it is all about living on the edge.
Everybody is getting stress relieving dogs to play with at work.
Essay by Dr. I.B. Factoid
At first it was just hospital patients who got to play with the trained stress relieving dogs (TSRD) but now relieving stress via stress relieving trained dogs has gone beyond trained dogs. The demand for stress relieving dogs has grown so intense that people are using any dog, trained or not to relieve their stress…
Even dogs on death row are being scooped up and put to use soothing everyone’s stress in offices nationwide…. Now all office workers have access to stress relieving dogs and soon there will be dogs ready to relieve your stress in bars, gas stations and at ballparks.
I imagine assembly line workers will soon have stress relieving dogs that walk
along the line just to visit…
I think this new tension relieving therapy is great, but it won’t last. Someone will
find a doggy hair on the front seat of their new car purchase. Then it will be back
to killing stray dogs in order to illuminate the stress of finding a doggy hair on new
Mark my words
You can Google anything using lower case but doing so is painful for me. Maybe you too. My elementary school teachers spent hours and hours teaching me when to use upper case. Now all that learning has been thrown out the window by somebody working for Google who has knowledge of logarithms but no appreciation for English protocol.
I can live with the lower case but I just haven’t gotten comfortable with it… You can Google anything in lower case. How do you think George Washington would feel about being a lower case george washington? Would we have been as interested in the Titanic if it had just been the lower case titanic?
You gotta keep wearing your wonder beads.
The Editor’s unabashed sales pitch
This cartoon is one of many cartoons featured in any one of four cartoon books published by Books Mango (Bangkok Books)… The books are titled: Up To You Volume I, II, III & IV.
|(Volume IV is a cheap come on with fifteen cartoons..) All the other high dollar Volumes are endowed with fifty cartoons.
The books are available online for email download from any bookstore in the world… (That is impressive)
Go to your favorite online bookstore (like Amazon) and type:… Al Reynolds: Up To You and see what happens… you may have to type “cartoons” or” Adult cartoons or “Sleazy cartoons…”
News Flash…. The books are now available in paperback same day mailing…. Just select “Paperback” when you place your order.
Thanks for the visit…..