Before we get started let me tell you that I am an American… which should be good enough for anyone but for you doubters, I will add that I’m from the North Eastern most of the country… I am from just outside of Boston…. Concord ! … Ever hear of it….That’s important info… Today I live as my forebears did …. sixteen clicks into the Bon-Nok… gas lamp, dirt roads and all…. Now that you know who I am, let’s get down to my important letter.
My cute little wifely of six years ….. not some joystick trophy but a real wife of near my age… has expressed her concerns that I may be a tad bit overbearing. She has asked me for the last time to mellow… She said she has given up trying to ‘mellow you”. “must change”, she said….. “Find, help, you”, she said.
So I reluctantly seek help from the only farang newspaper around. I don’t expect miracles but I shall listen, a tad because this has been her main harp since we got married…. Maybe there is something to it and just maybe one of you has a suggestion.
I’m loath to ask you guys for advice but here I am…. biting my lower lip asking for your input…. This is tough on me. What do you think? Photo enclosed of our wedding….. Drool all over that while you’re at it…
Where do we start ….. Too bad this is a “one letter” day. Otherwise, we would have thrown your piece of sarcasm into the trash.
It doesn’t take much thought to understand what your wife is pushing against… You must be quite the blood clot when it comes to an open mind…
The fact that you have written is evidence that you think there is a fire under the smoke…. and you are conceding to our wisdom to stoke this fire so the embers glow more evenly… We are on the same page.
We suggest you start talking to the village buffaloes… Exchange eye contact. Try to get close to a beast like that … Notice how they snort when you walk by… They sense that grumpy overbearing world you live in… Become one with the buffalo. You will mellow in the way of the buffalo …
If that doesn’t work we will hook you up with our resident psychologist who will surely prescribe and keep you in a fog of light smoke for years to come… You won’t know if your feet are hitting the ground or even close…. Either way, your wife will live happily with your less overbearing self and most likely praise our efforts in a commanding letter to our publisher, pounded out on rice paper, and hand delivered through miles and miles of dirt roads. ….. See, it’s a win-win… all you had to do was to reach out.
the Smoke Eaters….