Why all the Barking Dogs
By Bobby Dumbfound
Talking about Thai dogs is probably the third most popular subject behind bar girls and driving.
Why all the barking dogs? That’s easy. Dogs are burglar alarms. Once you start thinking about them in those terms you might be able to get some sleep and stop figuring out how you’re going to kill all your burglar alarms.
The Thai’s, like people worldwide, learned to live with dogs thousands of years ago by figuring out that dogs are useful. Dogs eat village garbage and chase village rats but they come with one bad habit. They bark too much. In order to live with good garbage collectors and rat chasers Thai’s had to learn to live with the barking. They did that by being tolerant and by looking for the good in everything.
Thai’s learned to understand dog barking and if you were to think like a Thai you too could learn to understand. It’s all a matter of separating unimportant barking from important barking and discarding all that is not important. The barking can actually become comforting if you learn to understand what you are hearing. A dog barking at another dog is just a dog barking at another dog. A sound you can live with. A dog barking at the moon or a dog telling the neighborhood how horny he is just another barking dog and you can sympathize with that. The alarm bark is the only bark you need to concentrate on. All the other barking noises should fall on deaf ears…. Or for you, if you really try, the barking can sound more like fine concert music wafting in through the open windows on a breezy summer evening. Or not!
Next, I’ll lie and tell you why Thai dogs sleep in the middle of your soi…. As though I really know.
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Column #2………………………………………………………………
Unsolicited Medical talk
By Dr. I.B. Agnostic
I received the following bit of information via email and I now pass it on to you for your use or dismissal as you see fit. This could be a useful piece of information or it could just be junk. You decide. The procedure described below is said to be affective in a good way.
You can ‘google’ Dr Lai Chiu-Nan to find out more
about her and the feedbacks of this treatment.
…..
REMOVING GALLSTONES NATURALLY
by Dr Lai Chiu-Nan
Copied and pasted here with added commentary by Dr. I.B. Agnosti c.
For entertainment purposes only
Dr Lai Chui-Nan writes:
Gallstones may not be everyone’s’ concern.
But they should be because we all have them.
Moreover, gallstones may lead to cancer.
“Cancer is never the first illness,” Chiu Nan points out. ”
Usually, there are a lot of other problems
leading to cancer.
In my research in China, I came across some
materials which say that people with cancer
usually have stones. We all have gallstones.
It’s a matter of big or small, many or few.
One of the symptoms of gallstones is a feeling
of being bloated after a heavy meal. You feel like
you can’t digest the food. If it gets more serious,
you feel pain in the liver area.”
So if you think you have gallstones, Chiu Nan offers
the following method to remove them naturally.
The treatment is also good for those with
a weak liver, because the liver and gallbladder
are closely linked.
Regimen:
1. for the first five days, take four glasses of apple juice every day. Or eat four or five apples, whichever you prefer. Apple juice softens the gallstones. During the five days, eat normally.
…..
Dr. I.B. Agnostic writes:
I volunteered to be the guinea pig for this procedure:
I ate four apples the first day with no discomfort. By the end of the first day I still liked apples.
Day One: I looked for Magnesium sulphate in two local Udonthani pharmacies… neither had Magnesium sulphate. I bought more apples and two litters of 100% apple juice. I would look for Magnesium Sulphate later.
Day Two: I drank two glasses of apple juice and ate two apples. I was starting to dislike apples.
Day Three: I ate three apples and one glass of apple juice. I was thinking about aborting this procedure for a few beers…
Day Four: I put off my first apple until 12:30pm.
Day Five: I gulped down two glasses of apple juice in fast order and cringed at the thought of eating another apple but I ate two more later.
During the day I bought a bottle of Milk of Magnesia instead of the Magnesium Sulfate prescribed by Dr. Lai Chiu-Nan. I made the purchase because I had found no Magnesium Sulfate in any pharmacy nor had I found a pharmacist who admitted to stocking Epsom Salt which would have been an adequate substitute. I was empressed by all the alarming questions the pharmacists were asking about my alarming experiment so I was happy to take my bottle of Milk of Magnesia home. There was no need to alarm the pharmacist to the point of them calling the health police, so I opted for the Milk of Magnesia as a substitute and disappeared into a crowded Soi.
2. On the sixth day, take no dinner.
Dr. I.B. Agnostic writes:
But before you can forsake dinner there are the four apples to eat… so I buckled down and
Ate the last apples I would ever eat.
3. At 6 PM, take a teaspoon of Epsom salt (magnesium sulphate) with a glass of warm water.
4. At 8 PM, repeat the same. Magnesium sulphate
opens the gallbladder ducts.
5. At 10 PM, take half cup olive oil (or sesame oil) with half cup fresh lemon juice.
Mix it well and drink it. The oil lubricates the stones to ease their passage.
PS. 1cup=250ml, cup lemon juice=3 lemons (approx.)
The next morning, you will find green stones in your stools. “Usually they float,” Chiu Nan notes. “You might want to count them. I have had people who passed 40, 50 or up to 100 stones.”
Dr. I.B. Agnostic writes:
Morning of the seventh day: Nothing special. I surely learned to hate apples for nothing.
“Even if you don’t have any symptoms of gallstones, you still might have some.
It’s always good to give your gall bladder a clean-up now and then.”
Those are the doctors words not mine.
The End
770 Words
Col #3……………………………………………………………………….
I’m finally learning to speak Thai.
By Paul Payneful
A window latch broke in one of my condo windows the other day and I didn’t have time or the inclination to fix something that was not my responsibility so I called the landlord and showed him the broken clasp and said in brilliant Thai, “I really don’t know how to fix such a complicated device. Can you fix the window latch for me if you ever have time inside your busy schedule?”
My Thai was so good that the latch was fixed before I got home from work the next day.
101 words
I said, “That doesn’t sound like anything has changed to me.” My wife absent mindedly got off the phone and looked at me. She said, “Our plans have changed.” My Thai was so good that the latch was fixed before I got home from work the next day.
29 Words
75 Words
I received the following bit of information via email and I now pass it on to you for your use or dismissal as you see fit. This could be a useful piece of information or it could just be junk. You decide. The procedure described below is said to be affective in a good way.
You can ‘google’ Dr Lai Chiu-Nan to find out more
about her and the feedbacks of this treatment.
REMOVING GALLSTONES NATURALLY
by Dr Lai Chiu-Nan
Presented here for your entertainment by
Dr. I.B. Agnostic.
Gallstones may not be everyone’s’ concern.
But they should be because we all have them.
Moreover, gallstones may lead to cancer.
“Cancer is never the first illness,” Chiu Nan points out. “
Usually, there are a lot of other problems
leading to cancer.
In my research in China, I came across some
materials which say that people with cancer
usually have stones. We all have gallstones.
It’s a matter of big or small, many or few.
One of the symptoms of gallstones is a feeling
of being bloated after a heavy meal. You feel like
you can’t digest the food. If it gets more serious,
you feel pain in the liver area.”
So if you think you have gallstones, Chiu Nan offers
the following method to remove them naturally.
The treatment is also good for those with
a weak liver, because the liver and gallbladder
are closely linked.
Regimen:
1. For the first five days, take four glasses of apple juice every day. Or eat four or five apples, whichever you prefer. Apple juice softens the gallstones. During the five days, eat normally.
Dr. I. B. Agnostic volunteered to be the guinea pig for this procedure:
The Doc ate four apples the first day with no discomfort. By the end of the first day he said he still liked apples.
On the second day the Doc I looked for Magnesium sulphate in two local Udonthani pharmacies… Neither had Magnesium sulphate. He bought more apples and two litters of 100% apple juice. He would look for Magnesium later.
On the second day the Doc drank two glasses of apple juice and ate two apples. He said he was starting to dislike apples.
On the third day Doc ate three apples and one glass of apple juice. The Doc confessed he was thinking about aborting this procedure for a few beers…
On the fourth day Doc Agnostic put off his first apple until 12:30pm.
2. On the sixth day, take no dinner.
3. At 6 PM, take a teaspoon of Epsom salt (magnesium sulphate) with a glass of warm water.
4. At 8 PM, repeat the same. Magnesium sulphate
opens the gallbladder ducts.
5. At 10 PM, take half cup olive oil (or sesame oil) with half cup fresh lemon juice.
Mix it well and drink it. The oil lubricates the stones
to ease their passage.
PS. 1cup=250ml, cup lemon juice=3 lemons (approx.)
The next morning, you will find green stones in your stools. “Usually they float,” Chiu Nan notes.
“You might want to count them. I have had people
who passed 40, 50 or up to 100 stones. Very many.”
“Even if you don’t have any symptoms of gallstones, you still might have some.
It’s always good to give your gall bladder a clean-up now and then.
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