January 2015/2558 Issue 35
All material in this publication is highly copyrighted by Al Reynolds 2014
Highly Copyrighted Material is material I don’t even know about and beyond.
An airliner crashed and twenty minutes later the news reported that the results of a poll show that 68% of the people said the airplane was shot down, 21% said the plane hit birds at the end of the runway and 78% said they don’t care. How do they do that?
Who takes the polls? Are polls really taken? Have you ever received a call?
I haven’t. Who does the calling… Who do they call?
I asked my wife a few questions about her nephew and his new fiancée…. I should have been more alert for what came next. In a few minutes I had been told that she works at such and such a place and she stays at home and he works in such and such providence. For the next ten minutes I had no idea my wife was talking about the nephew as a he and his soon to be father in law as another he and the fiancée as a she and her mother as another she… and of course the location of the house, home, and office were one and the same but in different locations.
Brunch Schedule
The Chef’s Table is the official site for the Club Brunch on Wednesdays….No business is conducted… Monday has become The Irish Clock Restaurant and the Good Corner is the Friday morning breakfast spot. Friday at 10:00am.
The women have been coming to these Brunches for a while… they gather their own group at our breakfast venue and then walk off to a restaurant around the corner that serves their kind of food. It is our opinion that the ladies really enjoy getting together for these brunches… Bring your lady along.
Dear Editors,
I am most light headed…. My wife of twenty years has taken a trip to the far reaches of Thailand… Actually, she has flown to Bangkok and will be gone three days. She left me on my own for the first time in twenty years and I am most puzzled…. I shall describe my puzzlement and ask for your input.
I have discovered right off as I prattled about the house doing what I have always done for the last twenty years that I feel unsure of myself. There is no one here to tell me how to turn on a light or to tell me I don’t know how to pour a glass of water for myself. I found this most disturbing on the first day. On the second day of her absence I was most discombobulated watching TV. I continually expected my viewing to be interrupted by my wife with some question about her good looks or grey hair… because of that I completely lost the movie plot and will be compelled to watch the rerun later tonight if I want to find out what happened to Jason Bourne. I will make the effort…
Does this happen to other fellows… Oh, and one last concern. What should I think of all the neighborhood ladies peeping out their windows at me as I walk about my garden? I like to think they are eye balling me with more than just light switches or glasses of water on their mind. What I see are woman desperate for a sexual encounter with me now that my wife is gone? If their peeping is what I think it is I could be up for something exciting and unbridled in my garden …. What do you fellows think? Should I take the plunge?
Sincerely
Bobby Bloomfield.
Dear Bobby,
Thank you for your letter… it is off pace just enough to give us another reason to imagine living just one more day. Your letter is mite on the cute side and may take some delicate answering for sure. For that we have separated your letter and sent the part about light switches, pouring water and watching TV off to an editor we know who writes for a tear jerk movie magazine. She will soon comment. We on the other hand are most interested in the turmoil you seem determined to place upon yourself with this talk of horny peeping neighbors.
This concern is up our alley so we have assigned our junior editor to the task of dropping by for an interview. You’ll know him, he is the editor who types the school menu and does the obits. He is young enough to believe that the ladies for whom you have spoken are indeed interested in climbing over your fence and into your back garden for any amount of afternoon delight while we on the other hand are old enough to know when your goose is about to be cooked…. It is those very ladies you allude that you should be most shy in inviting over the fence.
It is from sad experience that we report that those ladies with the most beguiling eyes and wonderful smiles are probably at this moment connected with your wife via cell phone and are busy reporting on your behavior either with fact or a story totally made up. We are also old and experienced enough to know you will heed no warning, therefore, we suggest you give them the call….We are imagining something bending over…
Sincerely
The Editorial staff…
To Your Health
I’m doing everything I need to be doing to maintain my health…
I drink water as soon as I get up. I brush immediately to get rid of the bacteria that built up in my mouth overnight and I’m always flossing.
I take my good health concerns to the breakfast table where I portion out the right amount of fiber, protein and those special nutrients found in three almonds and one walnut.
At noon I rebuild what I have used up during the day and by evening I’m perusing the guide books to make sure I haven’t missed any of the important ingredients that will help me live pain free to a hundred… I just hope I have kept enough floss around to hang myself if none of this goes right.
I’ve found a new way to speak Thai.
My brother came for a weeklong visit. Some say he looks like my twin. I mention that because I want the drama to build here… this is a most mundane story that needs some kind of a drama add-on.
I noticed he wasn’t the least bit intimidated by the Thai language. He spoke English where ever he went…. He never once tried Thai and to my amazement people answered him in English every time. When he ordered stuff he got what he ordered. I was most amazed.
I have been walking around the pond in our village for more than a year now. Dusk is always a good time to be out and about if you want to run into local folk… Today I put my brother’s method to use.
There was a lady pouring oil into the engine of her car. I decided to try my English on her; I asked “Feeding your Car?”
She stopped, turned and laughed… “Yes,” she said and then added, “Nice morning to be walk.” I was most amazed.
I said, “Hello” to the next person I walked by.
He said, “Hello, wife not walk with you today?” Wow. Am I on to something?
Who wrote your last Virus Attack?
Not so long ago some guy invented the traffic radar and sold a lot of them. Then unbeknownst to but a few people this same guy invented the fuzz buster and sold a lot of them. After that he invented the second generation radar and of course he sold a lot of them and then he invented the second generation fuzz buster and sold a heap of them… the guy was a genius…
Until recently I have imagined that there were three maybe four deranged people sitting around the world in dark damp basements writing viruses for your computer and it was these guys who we are afraid.
Now, I’m thinking. Who would want viruses turned loose on the world more than anyone else? Wouldn’t that be the guys who write and then sell virus protection?
Divorce This
Ever notice how a divorce defines the kids…. Suddenly you are so totally mad at your spouse that you need a divorce and the first thing you are going to do is fight over the kids whose blood is fifty percent of the jerk you are divorcing…
Suddenly those half jerk kids are one hundred percent your sweet tolerant self…
Have you ever wondered why you were divorced?
The Editor’s unabashed sales pitch
This cartoon is one of many cartoons featured in any one of four cartoon books published by Books Mango (Bangkok Books)… The books are titled: Up To You Volume I, II, III & IV.
(
Volume IV is a cheap come on with fifteen cartoons..) All the other high dollar Volumes are endowed with fifty cartoons.
The books are available online for email download from any bookstore in the world… (That is impressive)
Go to your favorite online bookstore (like Amazon) and type in… Al Reynolds: Up To You and see what happens… you may have to type “cartoons” or” Adult cartoons or “Sleazy cartoons…”
News Flash…. The books are
Now available in paperback same day mailing…. Delivery probably takes a little longer.
Just select “Paperback” when
You place your order.
Thanks for the visit…..
