March 12th or there about 2014/2557 Issue 19
Editor’s Note: We’ve done it. We picked up another reader and have received our first valid contribution. There is no telling how high the Almost Daily Dispatch will fly. We are airborne… It’s like being unfettered and blowing with the wind.
We start issue nineteen with this bit of lifted material. We may be sued for using it but here goes…. As it was told to me I pass it on to you:
The office of the National Labor Relations Board suspected a commercial fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deckhands so the board sent an agent to investigate the boat owner.
Upon confronting the boat owner the agent said, “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them”.
The Boat Owner took a breath, dropped his head and lost eye contact before he answered: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of rum and a dozen Heinekens every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally”.
The auditor says, “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one”.
The boat owner raised his head, looked the auditor in the eye and said, “That would be me. What do you want to know?”
I have a neighbor who flies off to Thailand each autumn where he lives part of the year. He returns each spring with the most outlandish tales of Thailand and the women he finds there. His story telling does get a little boring and at times I do wish he would go away but I can’t help but to wonder about their authenticity and am most interested if any contain at least a cornel of truth. My Western wife shares my same concerns.
So I ask: What is it about Thai women? Can a Thai woman and a western woman be compared?
It is safe to say that Thailand is not in Kansas anymore so what we say here may be difficult for a man in your social economic sphere to grasp… but maybe not so hard for your wife who may be at this very moment more curious about your neighbor and his stories than you… but in a most different way. Women are born of a different ilk and are at times, as you may have forgotten, turned on by crude and vulgar language especially when the message is but a whisper behind an ear with a hint of lascivious conduct to follow. More on that later.
Our first comparison of the western woman vs. the Asian woman is in the form of a quiz we made up only for our mischievous delight. Please do not take offense at our having fun. Just concentrate on the quiz.
Question #1: What does a western lady say to her husband when he returns home from a hard day of work or when he returns home with the laundry or returns home after grocery shopping or picking up the kids from Day Care?
Answer: She demands, “Where have you been!” (Very heavy on the Where have you been!) .
Question #2: You are in Thailand with a passel of girls. You marry one of the girls and install her in some kind of mud hut with four makeshift walls and a hint of indoor plumbing before going off to spend the evening in the arms of several of your bride’s amorous girl friends. What is your lovely going to say upon your return?
Answer: She is going to ask, “Are you hungry?”
Of course after you are most satiated with food and have fallen asleep she is going to attack your private parts with the same knife she used to prepare your chicken rice soup but at least you will have been well fed.
Stop into the shop on your way through. Love to have a chat.
A Chest to Pin it on
The Boy Scouts were a lot of help to me while growing up. I was able to identify with the organization and the organization identified with me. I was one of them. I got to wear a uniform to scout meetings that told anyone with a good eye or who cared that they were a witness to a Boy Scout; a word synonymous with good and honest. I liked that, especially after I started earning merit badges and had my mom sew them onto my sash.
Suddenly I was not only a scout to the casual observer; I was more than that to the folks who knew anything about scouting. They could tell at a glance that I could make a campfire, cook, sew, and build a shelter from materials found in nature and on and on. I even had the first-aid merit badge. I could heal people and most importantly, you could tell everything about me by just looking.
The military had something similar…. When I joined the Navy they gave me a medal just for joining… it was called the National Defense Medal. I guess it conveyed to all those who saw me wearing it proudly that I had been silly enough to join of my own accord.
Now I’m retired and all the merit badges and medals are gone. How am I to tell if the retired guy sitting next to me at the club meetings is senile or not? He has no senile medal. I would like to be able to tell at a glance who is a heavy drinker, who owns his own home or who is a golfer…. Wouldn’t that help? We need medals for retired people….
As a newbie to the land of smiles
I had a list of things I wanted to do upon arrival. A road trip into the interior of the country was on the list of things to do but it was not a priority.
I was more curious about street life in the city than a trip into the country side but after I discovered that only a shallow effort at conversation was all that was needed to challenge the parameters of deep thought t hat attempted to bubble forth from the working girls repertoire of sacred subjects, such as; matters of the heart, gold, motor-sighs, houses and “ries” (rhymes with “lies”) of land I decided to take a breather. I hired a van and driver and drove out into the interior.
I was curious about a lot of what I saw but I believe the greatest curiosity was the number of small boats I saw stored under stilt houses… I traveled through miles and miles of dry land without the hint of water enough to float anything… So why the boats?
“For when flood,” was my curious answer.