March 5th or there about 2014/2557 Issue 18
Editor’s Note: This paper is morphing again. At the risk of losing our seven readers we at Soi Farang News are changing our format again. We are going into the Daily Newspaper business…. Well almost… we are calling ourselves a “daily” although that is a bit of a misnomer…. But what is a misnomer if not the Newspaper business… We Editors ask that you follow along without asking for an explanation, after all, you might enjoy our yap yapping with your morning coffee….
We are the Almost Daily Dispatch, your Udonthani Expats own newspaper…or ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) for short.
We will publish one letter to the editor, a comment or two and a cartoon Almost Daily. Almost daily, because we are most senile and most retired at the same time.
Our intent at the paper is to get you through your first cup of coffee without having learned anything of real importance and for you to feel good about being cheated out of a few moments of your free time….
This is a blank space…. It showed up during our editing and no one could find a way to delete it before press time…. Junior Editor
I am a school teacher certified to teach English, Algebra, World History, Biology and college level Economics. I thought about being a Rhodes Scholar not so much for the education but because Bill Clinton is a Rhodes Scholar and that should be impressive… Now that you know with whom you are addressing I would like some advice.
Last year I was offered a teaching job in The Land of Smiles that was right up my alley. It seems they needed a teacher right away who is certified to teach English, Algebra, World History, Biology and college level Economics. The promised salary was less than I had hoped to be offered but with the extra opportunities promised by the school I accepted and flew to Thailand post haste. It seems I have fallen into a bit of a muddle…
I have been teaching like crazy and doing my part to pull the cart but things don’t seem to be as promised. I haven’t been paid since I started and the promised work permit seems to be in outer space somewhere. I have started to talk to other teachers and discovered that I am not the sole survivor in this sea of common practice.
Can you shed light on my dilemma?
You have indeed landed in a sea of dog poo. (Notice how we are refraining from using the most derogatory wordage for fear there may be children who could at this moment be looking over your shoulder reading our email to you on your schools very own computer)
We will be most careful to provide insight into your dilemma in a most assuaged and palatable manner so as not to offend your most obvious culpabilities. But we may slip. (How are we doing on the big words?)
Maybe you failed to look before you leapt*. Not an uncommon mistake when it comes to the subject of Expats diving helter skelter into the middle of the land of smiles without the foggiest. We have helped many a lad out of a tight spot with our sage advice but those have either been marital problems or drinking problems or as in most cases…both. You are our first sober school teacher problem.
To be able to help you at this time is a feather in our cap.…
After but a moment of consultation over coffee we editors unanimously suggest you make haste to the nearest airport and fly home before the last of your bitterly won life savings dwindle under a constant diet of Bar-B-Q chicken and sticky rice served along a rough siding of curb and busy streets occupied by distempered Thai dogs and other carnivorous beasts … It will be much easier to ask your mother for forgiveness upon return than to sit around wondering why such a well turned out and educated man cannot find gainful employment in yet another third world country.
*We editors are most grateful that our readers recognize the above letter as a convincing piece of fiction…. However, there is an important thread of truth woven into the fabric of its’ telling…. We editors caution and then suggest to anyone coming to Thailand to work as a teacher or in any other profession that they check with the embassy’s in their home country before flying over to work at any job. We suggest you follow the Embassy’s guide lines for procuring the proper Visa, the proper documents, stamps, whistles and bells so that once you arrive in the land of smiles you will not only be legal but be in line to be paid for your contribution….and possibly live happily ever after.
Not Working Overtime
I use a tooth paste that kills ninety-nine point one percent of the germs in my mouth. I often wonder why it stops there. How does my tooth paste know when to stop? Why can’t it just work a little harder and kill that last one tenth of one percent?
Is the tail wagging the dog or is the F-35 jump jet wagging a lot of dog tails?
A large handful of countries have bought into the F-35 jump jet circus act that has been under, in and around development since before 2003. Eleven years is a long time to wait for delivery of a state of the art super jet.
It is this big beast that the American Armed forces have fostered on all the other nations who bought into the idea of having a slow, frumpy and very expensive jump jet in their own back yard and it is these countries who proffered money for their share of the development costs and of course ownership in this fiasco…
Now what?… At what point does a person throw his hands up and acknowledge for the world to see what a silly person he has been for buying into such a silly purchase or for how long does a person stick his neck out and keep running with the herd?
It seems that the jet itself has screamed “I give up!” during failed test after failed test to all those who should have listened. It has come up short in all the areas that it was designed to reign supreme and continues to scream “I give up!” as more and more funds are poured into patch work schemes just so the planes can limp off the
assembly line to take their place in a designated military arsenal. A new lame duck replacing an old reliable fleet of planes…
The jet falls short in many ways and yet it continues to eat up research and development money in order to massage embarrassed egos from around the globe. The United Kingdom, Israel, Italy, The Netherlands, Australia, Canada, Norway, Denmark, Turkey and South Korea will purchase copies with Singapore giving the thought of a purchase a bit of a reserved nod.
T he End
Turn Around and Your World will be Gone
It wasn’t too long ago that a visit from the family meant everyone was going to spend the afternoon eating sticky rice from a mat and laughing at each other through gummy teeth.
Things have changed. The folks have gone from sitting around a mat on the floor to preferred seating around a real dining table… The new comfort zone is leaning forward from a chair, legs thrown forward under the table and elbows resting on the top edge in support of lap tops, cell phones or i- Pads. …. It’s a new world out here.
The End………………. See you in a few days.