Really Late November 2014/2557 Issue 33
Christmas Issue… extra pages of Babble.
But first: an ad
You are invited to join an evening of Jazz…. Read the ad for more details…. Joop has a few
seating tickets for us old guys… See Joop at the Monthly club meeting on Sunday…..
All material in this publication is highly copyrighted by Al Reynolds 2014
Highly Copyrighted Material is material I don’t even know about and beyond.
First of all…. … I see couples talking all the time. I see men and women having dinner or walking through a park. I don’t imagine them naked as a couple. But I often imagine the female naked.
I don’t understand this gay thing….. If someone tells me he is gay am I supposed to imagine him naked? Is that how it works.
It happened. I was surfing the channels when I lighted on the National Geographic channel and right in front of me were donkeys doing it. Wild donkeys mating…and then, before I could get a good look, there was a sudden break away to thick forests and beetles doing it high up in the tree branches. But the damage had already been done. I will forever have a picture in my mind of the donkeys doing it. Beetles, not so much.
Don’t you love it when you are watching a really good drama and one of the really good actors sits down at a table with his coffee cup and the cup makes that empty sound… How fake is that?
The Chef’s Table is the official site for the Club Brunch on Wednesdays….No business is conducted… Monday has changed to The Irish Clock. It’s to The Good Corner on Friday at 10:00am. We have been playing musical restaurants….. Changes come in fast and heavy.
The women have been coming to these Brunches for a while… they gather their own group at our breakfast venue and then walk off to a restaurant around the corner that serves their kind of food. It is our opinion that the ladies really enjoy getting together for these brunches… Bring your lady along.
The word on the street is that you Editors can provide advice. Not always good advice I am told, but advice just the same… Help me out…. Please… but don’t make it too obvious…. I’m not a person known to stoop so low as to ask wind direction, you know what I mean…?
My first wife passed and left me my own house (from which) to live… I have taken on a succession of ladies since then… all with poor results.
My first girl friend wanted me to turn my outdoor kitchen into an enclosed kitchen with all the amenities… including running water… I told her what I had is good enough. She left.
Then my next girl friend wanted me to install water heaters in all the bathrooms…including hers. I refused. She left me.
My next girl friend wanted air conditioning in all the bed rooms….I bought two new ceiling fans. She left me too.
My last girl friend wanted a car for herself. Recognizing my past errors I bought her a new sporty model. Now she is gone and I am totally lost… you might say that I am fluttering about in a calm sea with no rudder… What advice do you have for me…before the winds freshen?
So glad you could ask… We in the office have gone about placing Pot-Loams… (Floor fans) all over the office so we can simulate a storm brewing on freshening breezes. We want to get into the mood whilst we reply.
You didn’t say if your former girl friends were engineers of some distinction, or perhaps ardent fans of home improvement magazines. We have given this some thought with a bit of banter around the office and have drawn a conclusion otherwise:
Your first wife passed but left you a roof over your head until your eventual demise. Nice of her.
Perhaps your second, third and forth lady were more like crew who had hired onto move about from one adventure to another whilst you thought you had taken on a crew most willing to do menial chores below decks in mild discomfort. When your crew discovered one after the other that they were more mired in flats then adventure they jumped ship whilst you continued to meander about the bridge issuing commands on a ship that is firmly mired in mud.
We suggest a refit below decks in things of kitchens, air con and water heaters while you cast about for new crew. As far as the car is concerned you can kiss that baby goodbye.
We imagine we have been most helpful in an adversarial way.
The editorial crew.
We did it again
In a breakfast group of Europeans and Americans one of the Europeans complained that Americans don’t speak their English as well as some Europeans speak English as their second language… (I immediately went into a huff.)
The European didn’t stop there. He told his audience that some Americans mumble while other Americans deliver their content in but a sleepy imitation of the real thing. While folks like me hit the first syllable hard while allowing the last syllable to slop into silence. He accused the Americans around the table of trying to speak three or more different languages while the rest of the world knows we speak but one language. (I was still in a huff.)
Well stand back. There was a time when I apologized for not speaking two languages or perhaps not knowing exactly what river City Bremen sits alongside. Not any more….
In the States I lived three thousand miles from the American who mumbles and two thousand miles from the guy who imitates English in a sleepy monotone. And then there am I, being accused of speaking a poor copy of what the others are speaking.
Three thousand miles from one American and two thousand miles from the other is twice as far as it is from the coast of Norway to the middle of the Ukraine… There are probably six languages spoken from Stockholm to Kiev…. So I imagine we Americans are entitled to speak differently from county to county and State to state just to keep up with you folks who think it is necessary to speak a totally new language every few miles…
Wearing diapers is not on my bucket list…Why should I add a pair of water proof elasticized plastic garments to my list?
Adult diapers should be sold in the baby diaper section… they could be sold as “Nappies for that big toddler.” That way I could buy mine while I pretend they are for my big grandson. Maybe diapers could come with sponsors… Maybe a baseball player or two… maybe an Olympic swimmer… (I’d like to see that ad).
Maybe someone could come around to the house to sell me diapers in a plain brown wrapper. I could pretend I’m having a sex toy delivered.
My life has come full circle. I’m considering diapers while checking out the newest in big boy tricycles for sale on the internet.
Okay. I’ll wear them but what can we do about the squish, squish sound… ?
It’s like Kick the Can
The folks in Boston discovered a 113 year old time capsule they didn’t know was there….. Now wouldn’t the most important job upon burying a time capsule be to make sure someone knew it was there when the time came to open it?
Who was in charge of that part of the job? I don’t know how anyone decides what goes into the capsule but it seems that job was done pretty well. The capsule contained letters and campaign buttons from the era… even a book.
No directions to the capsule were left anywhere. Not even graffiti on the wall next to the hidden capsule…. How many other capsules are out there waiting to be found?
I wish airline food was more like restaurant food because I like to get up and leave after my coffee….
Channeling my Energy
I need to add one more routine to my daily schedule. I don’t have all my daytime slots filled so I’m going to buy a scale….a weight scale… knowing exactly how much I weigh at any given moment is a good way to add a routine.
Now, I will weigh myself first thing. It will not be easy to balance my weight over the top of the scale and to stand motionless while I read the spinning gauge, especially when my eyes are blurry and my glasses are out of reach.
By the time I’m wearing my glasses and back on the scale I won’t have enough time to wait for the dial to stop spinning. At that moment peeing will become the most important second daily routine in my life.
From there I will be motivated to move from one important routine to another until my day is complete. I’ll go to bed every night with no better idea of my weight than the day before but I’ll be much more determined to find out what I weigh tomorrow morning. That could be an additional routine.
Best ever video has become part of our FaceBook vocabulary….You must watch this video, it is the funniest is like saying the same thing only different…. Or the one that takes the cake is this is the most popular video ever… you must watch it. Of course you are going to click on that one, after all, it is the most popular video ever…. And you just added another click to its’ popularity whether it lives up to its’ name or not.
The Editor’s unabashed sales pitch
This cartoon is one of many cartoons featured in any one of four cartoon books
published by Books Mango (Bangkok Books)… The books are titled: Up To You
Volume I, II, III & IV.
|(Volume IV is a cheap come on with fifteen cartoons..) All the other high dollar Volumes are endowed with fifty cartoons.|
The books are available online for email download from any bookstore in the world…(That is impressive)
Go to your favorite online bookstore (like Amazon) and type in…Al Reynolds: Up To You and see what happens…you may have to type “cartoons” or” Adult cartoons or “Sleazy cartoons…” The books are available only from email downloads….(Nobody will know you bought one… that’s just between you and me.)
Thanks for the visit…..