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Almost Daily Dispatch Issue 26

March 14, 2016 by Al Reynolds

 

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Late July   2014/2557                                                                       Issue 26

All material in this publication is highly copyrighted by Al Reynolds 2014
Highly Copyrighted Material is material I don’t even know about and beyond.

 

Editor’s Note:  We Americans have finished celebrating our Independence… The rest of you can come out of hiding now.

I don’t understand gay marriage…. Actually I don’t understand heterosexual marriage…

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Extra Virgin Olive oil doesn’t get the label without being tested two different ways.First there is the laboratory test and then comes the sensory evaluationtest conducted by a trained panel of experts… the olive oil is tasted and must exhibit some taste of fruitiness…..Is it still a virgin after all that?

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Brunch Schedule

The Udon Expats brunch routine is expanding…. The Chef’s Table is the official site for the Club Brunch on Wednesdays….No business is conducted… Monday it is either the Book House or Nobi’s whichever suits…The Good Corner on Friday at 10:00am.

The women have been coming to these Brunches for a while… they gather their own group at our breakfast venue and then walk off to a restaurant around the corner that serves their kind of food. It is our opinion that the ladies really enjoy getting together for these brunches… Bring your lady along.

 

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Dear Editor,

I have always been single…. And it should be understood from the onset that I am single by choice. To say it any other way would be like flirting with slander so when you hear what is on my mind you should draw no conclusions or think otherwise.

I am moving to Isan to find myself one of those all around utility ladies who can work, clean, administer to a man’s needs and look great, really great all the time. You know what I mean…. (Notice the wink) Anyway, I’m on my way to the north east because I have heard about the women there…. Now that I am going to make the plunge for the first time I want to assure myself of a good one.

What is my first step?
Sincerely
David Devineski

(See my enclosed photo.)

…

Dear Rasputin,

What a bundle of burden you are going to be. One look at your photo suggests you may have been lifted from frozen foods and laid out to thaw. From your photo alone we editor’s suspect your Use by date is long past but you can be assured we are moving ahead with your request even though we are a mite suspicious of your motives.

You can be sure we have taken your requirements and scoured our inventory of women for the best of the best… We have found one particular woman who will meet your needs and make you most satisfied…I have taken her from the shelf

from which she has stood in-wait and now stands ready for your administrations. Your stringent requirements for a playmate have been met.

The one I have selected can walk and talk at the same time… herd buffalo, pick rice, cook and sew. An added extra is the expedient way she can bend to pick up anything of distraction in one direction while being most beguiling from the other direction. You must admit that feature is a premium and must be worth a lot. Her mother suggests she is lacking in experience but has been well coached in matters of emotional involvement and is most anxious to have you crawl all over her at a moment’s notice.

She has but one request and that is to include her grandmother in the package… She says her grandmother will add ballast in matters where an even keel is desirable…It is her grandmother who has as many life experiences as you and she believes, rightly so, that the two of you will have a lot to talk about during those times when frolic is set aside for a breather….

Both will be waiting at the train station in matching outfits just in case you have a propensity to confuse things.

Sincerely

Editor: Theodore ….Teddy to my friends

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The World of Theatrics

I suspected for a long time that those soccer players weren’t really hurt. Not hurt  enough to go to the earth crying and hollering about great bodily injury that never occurred…. So I’m delighted to discover that only four other people in this world bought into this theatre….

Flopping…. Flopping… shouldn’t that be a little girl term for a Barbie doll having gone missing…..

 

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Coffee Lovers… continued from last month.

Last month in this very spot was a one hundred fifty word rant about the benefits of two cups of coffee…. Now, there is new data showing that four cups of coffee a day can be good for you*… for all the same reasons. (those reasons were not specifically laid out in the rant… it was, after all, just a rant.)

*Author’s disclaimer:  What is four cups of coffee to an American may be no more than four cups of scented hot water to the rest of the world…

The editorial staff: suggests you use this information during your next debate about coffee drinking or your need to get up in the middle of the night to pee…Neither subject is all that exciting but can be discussed in a pinch.

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Doctor’s Corner

In America there are specialists for every ailment… A trip to the doctor is only the beginning of a long day. Your first doctor, no matter the aliment, is going to tell you to see a specialist… He cannot recommend a specialist but he will be most helpful to point out that a specialist practices next door…. The first doctor will excuse himself and disappear and you will be ushered to the lobby to pay for one office visit and given directions to the specialist…

In the land of smiles I have learned that everyone wearing a white uniform in a hospital here will diagnose and prescribe regardless of their qualifications … I went in for a physical the other day and was told by the uniformed lady running the

blood pressure machine that there are dangers associated with high blood pressure… I wasn’t sure if she was the closer or if she was going to shuttle me off to another white uniform to sign up for some tests… The next lady wearing white told me I had something like .0000000081 of blood  in my urine and in the same  breath told me about kidney stones or the consequences of holding my pee to long… she was leaning toward cutting out my kidney stones.

I love it… those girls look so much better than my doctor back home…

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Editor’s unabashed sales pitch

This cartoon is one of many cartoons featured in any one of four cartoon
books published by Books Mango (Bangkok Books)… The books are titled:
Up To You Volume I, II, III & IV.
(Volume IV has fifteen cartoons and is so cheap it is almost a freebee) all the other    high    dollar    Volumes are endowed  with  fifty  cartoons…  all  inliving color.

The books are available for email
download from any bookstore in the
world… (That is impressive)

Go to your favorite bookstore and type
in… Al Reynolds: Up To You and see
what happens… you may have to type “cartoons” or” Adult cartoons or “Sleazy
cartoons…”

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(Nobody will know you bought one… that’s just between you and me.) 

Thanks for the visit…..

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Filed Under: Almost Daily Dispatch

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