Udon Thai Expats Club

Udon Thani, Thailand

Almost Daily Dispatch Issue 25

March 14, 2016 by Al Reynolds

 

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Far end of June… or there about   2014/2557                                                  Issue 25

 

Editor’s Note:  I have a confession. Our readership is far beyond seven. I have

been lying… Actually we have two cantankerous women following this dribble in addition to the numbers I have been keeping secret. The women are Ah-Merry-Cans for sure…. School teachers; retired.

I imagine if their buttons were pushed a bit we would find out they descend from Germany…or Ireland… so it can be imagined they come about being cantankerous naturally…The fact is that we have two women reading my dribble and second guessing my attitudes toward women, sex and hot food….I have discovered I give them more concern than I would if a Coup d’état were taking place in my back yard…Is that a distraction, or what?

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A coup d’état (/ˌkuː  deɪ  ˈtɑː/;  French: plural: coups d’état (Mia Noi), also known as a coup, a putsch, or an overthrow, is the sudden and illegal seizure of a  farangs mind, usually instigated by a smallish woman about this tall. A coup  d’état is considered successful when the  usurpers establish their dominance (about 100% of
the time.)

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Brunch Schedule

Monday it is The Book House at 10:00am, the Chef’s Table on Wednesday at 10:00am and the Irish Clock on Friday at 10:00am.

All material in this publication is highly copyrighted by Al Reynolds 2014
Highly Copyrighted Material is material I don’t even know about and beyond.

 

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Dear Editor’s,

I have just heard that a High speed railway is coming to town. I would like to be on that first train. Can you imagine coming to Thailand for the first time and whizzing into your station…. I can imagine all that colorful bunting and all the celebration…. What would it take to get me a seat on that first fast train?

I can’t wait for you guys to answer. I am packing my bags already.

Sincerely
Freddy Slipstream….

……..

 

Dear Slipstream.

Thank you for your enthusiasm and inquiry. Although we are better able to answer at a moment’s notice questions of forlorn love and possibly a few financial concerns you will find that we are equally up to answering this inquiry into speed and celebration. We have never welcomed a first time arrival to our most exotic country and now you; a newbie, has said he wants to come to town on the first train and he wants us to be the first to meet him? Isn’t that something to twirl about the tongue in celebration or what?

May we suggest you take your time with your packing. We suspect, after a second reading of your letter, that you are young and can handle a wait for steel that has yet to be forged or laid upon any track. According to lore or just our local bookie it will be a few more winters before a rail is ready for any train fast or not.

May we suggest the river? The Mekong has been flowing out of the mountains for centuries and has never gotten anyone lost… The way is slow for sure but the excitement of knowing you will eventually arrive and be able to walk ashore whether there is bunting to herald your arrival or not should be most satisfying…

You failed to mention girls… perhaps because you are on the short side of puberty and have fooled us with content or because you are a creepy sort more into trains and whistles than girls wearing Camisole bras with matching thong panties for breakfast out…. Not to worry. Your secret is safe with us. We are the ones who
drink our beer poured over ice.

Come on down. We’ll be at the station.

Senior Editor

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Coffee Lovers

The tide has turned!   Once again coffee is said to be good for you, or so it is reported in almost any hard copy publication in the business of selling ad space… Coffee… two cups of the brew in the morning is reported to do some amazing stuff for the body… The list is long… too long for me to do justice here.  So, you’ll have to take my word for it… Coffee is good for you! Anyway, that is what is  being professed by those who write such things. How long before the same ad people say that coffee has been bad for us all along and we should have known better…. They will of course suggest that we start eating two large pieces of Chocolate cake with breakfast because it has been learned that chocolate is good for us.

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In the eighties I made my last trip to a zoo…

This zoo was a large facility… When I found it on the map I was convinced this would be a place where the humans had done their best under the circumstances to help the animals pretend they were living a normal life…

My mind had equated large spaces with large cages or enclosures. Instead I discovered that large meant large as in space for cotton candy and hotdog stands. I had duped myself into thinking I would be visiting a facility that was doing their best to treat the captured animals well… The bird section was okay. The reptiles were okay but what do they know.

I discovered that the primates were held indoors. What are primates doing indoors?

To the zoo’s credit the “house” was large and held an awful lot of monkeys of several  species  that  were  able  to  run  and  jump  around  even  though  all  their

movements were bathed in second hand light. Then I turned a corner and looked down the corridor into the dark eyes of one single solitary gorilla…. A huge beast was sitting there looking directly at me and me him…He had nothing to do. He had nowhere to go. He had no one to share his space. He sat against a wall and stared at me. I held his stare and walked toward him.

I thought he would charge me… I had heard they would eat you alive for a transgression like that.  He had a right to be mad. I was in his house. Not to worry. His power and ego had been sapped.

He was staring at me… I stopped at the steel fence…I continued to stare into his eyes and wondered what he was thinking… Then I dropped my eyes and turned toward the exit… I took about three steps and turned again… he was still staring. What was he saying? What were his demands, what were his pleadings?

I read an article in the paper a few years later. The big guy had been released to a large enclosed space nestled into a corner of the zoo… It had trees and the kind of foliage gorillas eat…Most of the enclosed space was outside under the sun…One step for mankind… one small step.

The End

 

Fashion Forecast

We are living in a completely new world… Clothing Fashions now include snappy casual bullet proof outfits you’d die for.

 

New Earth

A new Earth has been found…. Only 13 Light years away….Well let me step aboard for a ride out… I wonder if they have a Dairy Queen…

 

End………………..Thanks for listening.

 

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Filed Under: Almost Daily Dispatch

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